welcome back!!

after many weeks of neglect ive finally decided that i should post.  back to school and back to reality it is. back to the midterms and papers and all the fun stuff that post secondary education has to offer. i must say that im not as excited for this upcoming semester as i usually am with others. partially because me and education arent exactly the greatest friends. im trying not to dwell on it because whats done is done and all i can do is push forward or fall behind. but its hard sometimes knowing if i eff up one more time then i can kiss that pretty piece of paper with the words BA on it goodbye. hahah.

in light of this unfortunate event ive come to do yet again some self reflection.  whaaat is going on with me? i mean im all down with the partying side of me because ya ive known since i was a fetus that i was born READY to party but wow.. the promiscuous part.. yesh!! i dont know whats gotten into me. maybe its a part of me trying to enjoy my youth being 20+ but still.. its so irresponsible and id like to think that im on a path towards growing up thank you very much. sometimes im cool.. like, hey whatever just go out and have fun.. but othertimes its like wth are you doooing!! i dont know.

so! here are my new years resolutions:  move on from certain THINGS, decrease the amount of money spent clubbing, decrease the actual amount OF clubbing, and start taking ownership of my education

2007 is going to be a good year. i can feel it =)

sometimes i wonder what would have happenend if i did certain things or if i acted differently towards various events in my lifetime. would i be where i am today? would i be who i am right now?

the only time i actually have time to think with my thoughts is when im taking a shower. so when i was doing that shampooing the hair i started to think about how much ive grown. not in height cuz har har obviously that ship has sailed a long time ago, and not in the sense of wondering how much ive matured. i asked myself honestly if i like who i am. its a weird question, which i recommened everyone to ask themselves at some point. and be completely honest with yourself. youd be surprised with your own thoughts.

i like me. i think im nice and smart and have a lot to offer the world. but im also very ignorant. i make decisions that i shouldnt make. i choose to go paths knowing that theyre wrong but my curiosity gets the best of me. i like to push the barriers of everything and see where it will take me. some think of this as exploration and ya in some ways it is, but in other lights its only going to get me into trouble. and im stubborn. i get it from the daddy. if i think im right, i will try damn hard to convice everyone else to join my side. i guess that makes me narrow minded in some ways too. im also a little on the fake side. i mean, im naturally a happy person its in my nature but if i dont tell you that im sad or upset, chances are, you wouldnt know based on my expressions. why? because i become gap happy when things go wrong. i smile and get excited abt everything prancing and running around. i put on a face just becuase its easier than dealing with things. its not like im trying to hide my feelings, its just that ive become so USED to hiding them its hard to break the mold. but im working on it.  lastly, i dwell on things. i beat old conversations over with a dead stick just because i can. i overthink everything and until im bored with the topic, i will keep on going.

so thats that. just thought id share my thoughts. i like who i am in the sense that i have a strong personality, but i think i can work on some things internally. improvement never hurt anyone. we only get one shot at life so i figure we might as well make the best end product as possible.